I wish I could tell you that managing to get my wheelchair out of the house and into the spring u sunshine filled me with joy it it didn’t . My sister my carer and gareth all dragged and manoeuvred me down the ramp and across the road so that I could feel warm sun on my face and see the lovely blossom on the tree. And yes it was good to feel the warmth of the sun but it also painfully reminded me lof past springs when I strolled in the park with Scrappy or went shopping for new clothes , things I will never do again. No, I will never again paddle in the sea, or eat a huge ham and pineapple Pitza which was my Saturday night treat , jump into my car and switch on the CD player as I drove off down the road. So when I got I inside I just couldn’t stop crying despite my sisters best effortss to console me .
Sometimes the pain of living in this disabled state really does feel too much to bear.
however a visit from an olld friend from Cheshunt school gave me a few good laughs at some of the madness there and the fun we also had. and for a short while I was transported back to my healthy life. I d also received an e mail from an ex pupil from Cheshunt and three more messages from ex pupils following my blog.
but I wish with all my heart I didn’t have to die.