Being brave

A lot of people have called me brave but I do not accept this word about myself. Certainly when I was he’s,thy I considered  myself to be a terribly over anxious worrier who wfrightened of lots of things: waspz heights driving on motor ways authority figures who shouted swimming in the sea……the list could go on and on! Having this horrible illness has brought out all my morbid  fears of suffocating or choking and of course dying itself something I also thought a  lot about when I was well.  What a ridiculous waste of energy! I should have beeb savouring each day eating peanut n butter and banana sandwiches every day and thinking about all the things I wasn’t afraid of-

i cry everaa day about being ip ill I am consumed with jealousy  by a all healthy friends. And I don’t want to tell the world how much I am. Still loving life because I don’t.

I m not brave I m just trying. To stay alive though some times I honestly wonder what for.

4 thoughts on “Being brave

  1. I looked up brave in the OED,and it talks about defiance and fortitude. I reckon that fits. What it isn’t is an absence of fear,or some simpering saintly always on your best behaviour. There is no courage without fear,it’s being shit scared but carrying on. When you were lumbered with this appalling disease,you could have gone for the Cleopatra option,although there can’t be many available asps in Bowes Park. But you didn’t,you didn’t face the wall,you faced out and chose life. Of course you are terrified,and jealous of healthy friends. How could it be otherwise? It’s the trying that’s brave,and nobody could have tried harder than you have. With love as always Helen xxx

  2. Thinking of you Lindy, through sharing your experiences and speaking out about this disease you have helped many people and raised so much awareness, which everybody is so proud of you for. You have brought something positive out of something so bad. When you do pass on you will achieve peace, I wish you strength and send you best wishes and love xxx