The unbearable suffering of being

The Buddhists believe we should accept suffering as being an inevitable part of life but although I did my fair share of emotional suffering I had had no experience of the way a crumbling body can literally – to use that now over used word – make daily life so agonising that you long to be free of it.

My head rolls around on non-existent neck muscles making my chin constantly sore from pressing down on the chin support, the two spokes pressing against by chest. And I am virtually unable to do anything for myself.

My dear friends try their best to comfort me and I’m frankly amazed that they still want to when inevitably I break down in tears. I wish I could tell you how, despite everything, I still enjoy life; but I don’t.

Finding the exotic in the everyday is how my doctor describes the pleasure that can be found in the most ordinary things, like having a cup of tea or sitting out in the garden with a good book.

Each day I sit in my chair reliving such simple pleasures that I took for granted,
never imagining I’d end up living in a crumbling body