I started the week in a terribly bleak place. Going to a barbecue the previous Friday had started the descent into self pity. I m not blaming my friends of course normal people have to eat whet had I known I was going to have to watch people gorging on juicy sausages and kebabs I would not have gone. The pudding looked so enticing and then the chocolates were passed round whilst I sat typing out little phrases onto my I pad and getting gareth to syringe wine into me in the hope of dulling the pain. On Monday the stair lift people came to give us a quote.5000 pounds!!!! Tuesday was unexpectedly wonderful. My friend Helen who I have known since we were 16 came to see me and god how we laughed as she read my 1973 diary of a holiday 9 of us spent in a remote Welsh cottage where we mostly got drunk, stumbled around the mountainous terrain and argued. Happy carefree days with our lives stretching ahead of us. In the evening I went to see Twelfth Night at Hampstead Theatre which was fantastic. And then in the break a woman said to me ‘you look so pretty in our dress’ and given that I feel like a freak with my horrible collar and my drooling it made me feel pathetically pleased. I woke up on Wednesday in un usually positive mood to meet my carers who are starting with me next week. We all giggled through the peg training session that the district nurse took them through and I have taken an instant liking to both of them despite my resistance to being ‘cared for,’ Watching Dexer with my oldest son and a visit from my dear friend Mike ended my week.